Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
