So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
