How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
