there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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