When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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