Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
