That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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