yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
