She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
