I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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