You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
