Nicole vs. Life
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You pole danced in your parka.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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