While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
