You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
