roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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