can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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