walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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