the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
