some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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