ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
