I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize