How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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