This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
