I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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