hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
