Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize