This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
