Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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