Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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