Ambien. No doubt about it.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Terrible idea I love it
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
