Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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