And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
What changed your mind?
Being sober
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
