3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize