"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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