Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
