bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
