i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
