Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
