at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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