Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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