Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
