ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You were trust falling into bushes
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
