with your own penis?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
