it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
