woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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