Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
