Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
