I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
