How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize