well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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