Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
