Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
