My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
