They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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