what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He felt like a one man threesome
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
