We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
