Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
