Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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