anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
why is half of my head shaved?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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