We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
