ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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