She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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