the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
