Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize