sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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