In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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