Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
