I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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