I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
