and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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