So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
