Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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