I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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