okay pat passed out under dana's car
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
