So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
