Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
